I Didn’t Know I Was Depressed

Hello and Welcome to The Closet of Prayer!!

I’m your host Dorothy, and there is a word and topic for prayer. But first as always let’s get started with scripture, prayer, and song.

Scripture for Meditation:

“Let my heart be sound in thy statutes; that I be not ashamed. My soul fainteth for thy salvation: but I hope in thy word. Mine eyes fail for thy word, saying, When wilt thou comfort me? For I am become like a bottle in the smoke; yet do I not forget thy statutes. How many are the days of thy servant? when wilt thou execute judgment on them that persecute me? The proud have digged pits for me, which are not after thy law. All thy commandments are faithful: they persecute me wrongfully; help thou me. They had almost consumed me upon earth; but I forsook not thy precepts. Quicken me after thy lovingkindness; so shall I keep the testimony of thy mouth. For ever, O LORD, thy word is settled in heaven. Thy faithfulness is unto all generations: thou hast established the earth, and it abideth. They continue this day according to thine ordinances: for all are thy servants.” ~Psalms 119:80-91

Opening Prayer:

Father we praise you and we worship you. You are a great God, a Mighty God, and God alone. Please forgive us of all our sins.. those thought, said, or done. Knowingly and unknowingly. Father as I sit here before you, your humble servant, I ask that you anoint me afresh to carry out your will. Decrease me so that they see/hear less of me and more of You… Give me the words to say and let me be wise enough to know when to say them and how to say them. Open up the ears of Your listeners so that we may hear the word.. Open up our hearts so that we may receive the word and Open up our minds so that we may do the word. This and all things we pray in the precious name of Jesus! Amen!

Song: Our Tuesday Song is by Jill Scott, titled, Hear My Call. This is an embeded version of her performance on Sunday’s Best. It has a couple quirks but found this version more raw than the official video. Enjoy!

Please know that these testimonies are first written as given by the leading of the Holy Spirit, then posted/video recorded at a later date. We know that the word/testimony that God gives us is not always useful at the time they are given, but are always on God’s given and perfect timing.

My Testimony:

What a powerful song!! When she performed that message on Sunday Best earlier this year, it brought tears to my eyes. Because I felt the pain emulated through the song…

Which brings me to our topic for today. “I Didnt Know I Was Depressed.” As I have explained. I am not an ordained Minister, Pastor, Evangelist, or any of those titles, but yet a disciple of Christ. This blog is to give an account and testimony of how God has given “me” revelation to what I was blind to so that He may use it to bless others.

In my praying for my family, extended family, friends, and enemies alike, I was given revelation to the fact that I was in a depressive mode. And, that it was not the first time I have been there, I just did not recognize or accept it as so.

Many of you may be like, well.. How can this be? She is a confident child of God, She is a woman who has been through much affliction, yet still praises God. What the devil is really going on? or in the words of my late Great Aunt Florence Dilver, “WHAT THE DEVIL?”

Well, it was like I was so depressed, soo defeated that I didn’t know I was. That sounds terrible!! Wow! Even now saying them out loud rings harshly in my ears. I was walking around zombie like in spirit and did not know it. I thought just because I know the word and could call it up in my time of trouble that alone was enough encouragement..WRONG!! Because what I didn’t do was apply the word! I wasn’t being a “heardoist” So, I just fell deeper and deeper.. All from my disobedience to the word and therefore unto God. Once I was able to see that I was allowing the devil to use my misfortune as a sort of truth, because I believed I was defeated, I was able to take hold of those thoughts. I was able to hear the audible voice of God say. Here, do this.. cast that thought down and throw it into the pits of hell where it belongs, and Here, receive this in its place…MY LOVE!!

Let me tell you how great, wonderful, and marvelous God is!!! Let me tell you what He gave me to replace those bad thoughts He helped me capture… Let me tell you how Abba Father sent us Grace, His only begotten son. Let me tell you how His son came down through the generations, walked among us commoners, and taught us how to live WITH God while we are on this earth. Let me tell you how He walked around KNOWING He was to die for us!! Let me tell you about God’s son, my friend and brother, Jesus Christ who loved me and you soo much that He followed through with His purpose and destiny and died on the cross for our sins, iniquities, and transgressions. Let me tell you how while He was still on the cross, with nails in His wrist and feet, with a thorned reef wrapped and pierced around His head, and while He was bruised, beaten, spat on, and practically naked before everyone, yet still He made intercession for us!!! HIS LOVE!

Now let me tell you that those were the things my God called to my remembrance in review of my depressive state of mind and then gave me mercy. OH…How He had planted those seeds many years ago, and how He decided to repot His plant because the old pot had stunted her growth due to the lack of space for her roots to grow, and because that pot held more water than soil, so she was drowned instead of nourished, and because that pot didn’t allow much oxygen, so she was also suffocating. How in all those things He told me I can now stop being limp and stand up or sit up straight with my leafs fully spread and my “feet” firmly planted. How in all those things He told me to be still, and see the salvation of the Lord! How in all those things He has not forsaken me, and that my Brother was still making intercession for me.

But My God didn’t stop there!! Hallelujah! Let me tell you how He reminded me that on the third day, my Brother, His Son, rose with ALL POWER in HIS hands!! Which further let me know that since I am heir and joint heirs with my Brother Jesus, I too have ALL power in my hands. And this power exists in the form of the Holy Ghost! That I shall not ever be in a depressive state of mind again, because God has reopened my mind, spiritual eyes, ears, and most importantly my heart to His purpose for me.

And He layed it on my heart to share this with you all because there are a lot of us that are out there walking around with and without the word of God, unknowingly depressed. Looking to the world for the answer to our purpose, when the Answer has already been given. 2000 some odd years ago. Glory be to God! Hallelujah Jesus!! He didn’t have to do it… But He did because He loved us unconditionally!!

So my prayer for us today is for us to come out of our depression, to stop looking for our purpose from the world, to know that God has ordered our steps before we were even born! To know that our purpose can only come from the Father above. For us to stop letting the devil convince us that we are not who God says we are, because he is a liar and a deceiver. For our faith to increase and for us to remain humble unto God. In Jesus name, Amen!!

I welcome prayer request. Just simply type your name in the comments section and I will lift your name in prayer. You are welcome to leave a more specific prayer in the comments section; however, if you wish for your prayer request to be more private, please visit the Prayer Request page on this blog.

Thanks for following and sharing in my testimony.

God Bless!


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